What Children and Young PeopleNeed from Us, Adults

Essentials of a Healthy Childhood

Every child looks to the adults around them to understand the world — and themselves. Long before they can explain it, they feel the presence we bring: the tone of our voice, the consistency of our actions, the care in our attention.

When discussing what children need from adults, I like to use a common-sense framework introduced to Slovenian educators by David Lega, a former Swedish Paralympian— with a few additions. In his lecture to Slovenian school administrators, David Lega highlighted four essentials children need from adults for healthy development:

• Love — creates safety and tells them they belong.

• Support — tells them they are not alone and helps them stand back up when things gets difficult.

• Encouragement — gives them courage to try, to fall, and to rise again.

• Expectations — show that we believe in their potential and trust them to grow.

These essentials deeply shape a young person’s sense of safety, self-worth, and possibility. They form a strong foundation for emotional and moral development. But young people do not need warmth alone — they also need structure. So I added two more pillars to this list:

• Boundaries — provide a sense of security. They mark where safety ends and responsibility begins.

• Consequences — teach that actions have meaning and that choices shape the world around us.

Without boundaries, love can become permissive. Without consequences, encouragement loses its weight. Together, they help children learn self-discipline, respect, and integrity. 

And yet, I felt something was still missing — so I added the last pillar:

• Personal Example — living the values we want to teach.

Being a role model for children and young people is more powerful than all the words and advice teachers and parents can ever give.
So, let's talk about these essentials. Because they are not luxuries. They are the soil in which character grows — and the roots from which resilience and well-being take hold. They matter. Love, support, encouragement, expectations, boundaries, consequences, and living examples we offer to our children and youth shape who they will become and how they will live... and they shape the world they and the generations to come will live in.