Inner Focus & Intrinsic Motivation: What We Can Pass On to Students

Kristijan Musek Lešnik
Nov 11, 2025
3 min read

Updated: Nov 26, 2025

Comparison looks outward; intrinsic motivation looks inward. By teaching children and young people to track personal progress, value cooperation, and build steady motivation from effort, strategy, and growth—not rankings, we help them learn the life-skills they need to grow.

“A culture of comparison breeds anxiety and fragile confidence.”

One of the most harmful things we can do to children is teach them from an early age to compare and compete with one another.

The Trap of Comparison

Our children are constantly being compared — not because we wish them harm, but often because we want to encourage them.

We might say things that seem harmless, like: “Look how beautifully Jane drew her flower,” or “See how tidy your sister’s room is.”

What children actually hear is: “My drawing isn’t as good as Jane’s.” “My room isn’t tidy enough.” “I’m not as good as others.”

With constant comparisons, we unknowingly — but steadily — shift their focus outward, away from their own effort and growth, and toward the trap of constant comparison.

The culture of comparison and competition carries several risks:

It turns focus outward. Instead of asking, “What can I do better than yesterday?”, children start asking, “Am I doing better than someone else?”
It replaces “Who am I?” with “What do I have?” Today’s comparisons often drift to phones, clothes, grades—from what I can do to what I have. Children begin to measure value in possessions, approval, and applause — rather than in learning, curiosity, and contribution.
It breeds chronic dissatisfaction. There will always be someone who has more — a better phone, better grades, better luck. When self-worth depends on comparison, contentment becomes impossible.

Building a Healthy Sense of Self

Children develop a healthy self-image when they learn to find satisfaction in their own progress — in the joy of mastering something new, not in being “better” than others.

The Hidden Cost of Competition

When self-worth depends on comparison, ambition turns into anxiety. When we teach children that it’s not enough to be good — they must be better than others — we build a world of winners and losers. In this world those who “lose” feel inadequate. But even “winners” pay a price: their confidence becomes dependent on staying ahead. The moment they meet someone more successful, their self-esteem collapses.

Children who derive their sense of self from comparison and competition learn to avoid discomfort and protect their self-worth in different ways:

by constantly chasing perfection and victory,
by surrounding themselves with less capable peers,
by feeling good only when others are doing worse, or
by seeking material proof of their worth — falling into the trap of consumerism.

They stop growing.

Nurturing Inner Motivation

Our goal as parents and teachers isn’t to eliminate ambition — it’s to redirect it inward. To teach them to find motivation not in being “the best,” but in becoming their best.

To teach them that progress isn’t measured by how far ahead they are of others, but by how much they’ve grown from where they began.

How I Can Help Children Build Inner Focus

Compare children only with themselves. Celebrate their progress — not their ranking.
Help them notice their own growth. Ask, “What can you do now that you couldn’t do a month ago?”
Value every child’s contribution — without comparison or competition.
Encourage cooperation over competition. Teach them that we grow faster when we lift each other up.
When competition exists, make it goal-oriented, not person-oriented. Compete for improvement, not against others.

Final Thought

Children who learn to measure success by effort, growth, and integrity — not comparison — carry something powerful into life: inner focus and inner motivation. It’s what drives them to explore, to persevere, and to create meaning long after applause fades.

When we help children keep their focus within, we don’t just teach them motivation. We help them grow.